Apparently every Tri-Delt knows what I did and I am blacklisted from ever dating anyone in that house.
Well ya you lied, told her you cared, took her virginity and then broke up with her at Christies Toy Box.
I honestly thought the dildo was a nice parting gift.
I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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