just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
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