i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
Randomize
