hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
Randomize
