someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize
