there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
Randomize
