Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
Randomize
