I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
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