thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
Randomize
