Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
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