you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
found POGS while I was cleaning my room this morning. Definitely bringing them back to school to turn into a drinking game.
tequila makes me forget i have legs
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
Randomize
