Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
Randomize
