Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
These 19 Underage Drinkers Epicly Got By With A Horrible Fake ID
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
These Are The 21 Strangest Sexual Fantasy Confessions
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.