What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
Randomize
