Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
Randomize
