Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(317): View more from Indiana

did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more

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(716): View more from New York

Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.

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(224): View more from Illinois

hey, when you wake up, search yourself on youtube

(630): View more from Illinois

my sister already found it, were watching it right now. i give it 2 thumbs up.

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(204): View more from Manitoba

Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.

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27 Socially Expected Things That Are The Absolute Worst
Read it at the TFLN blog
(401): View more from Rhode Island

You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"

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(630): View more from Illinois

I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.

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(864): View more from South Carolina

We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.

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(914): View more from New York

All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point

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(305): View more from Florida

"I licked someones beard, because I can."

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