And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
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