it cannot be done, he is unbreakable.
What?
..he cannot be seduced..she had to have roofied him.
Details.
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
Randomize
