i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
Randomize
