Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
is that paris hilton dressed up as the guy from star trek who hosts reading rainbow
Nicole vs. Life
So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
I'm like, not good at living.
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
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