Mel Gibson is dating a 24 year old
You're not Mel Gibson and I'm not 24.
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
Randomize
