Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
Randomize
