So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
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