Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
I love how my cats smell like pot.
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
Randomize