So drunk its hurt
I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
Randomize
