tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
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Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
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Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
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