Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
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