god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
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