My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Randomize
