Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
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