If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
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