If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
Randomize