I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
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