Dude, I woke up at my ex's house. I am spooning her half naked roommate. There is a pizza on my shoulder. I need you to come pick me up.
You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
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