my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
Randomize
