i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
Randomize
