Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
Randomize
