someone get that fucking seahorse.
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
he fucked my hip out of place.
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
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