with your own penis?
he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
she peed on how many people?
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
Randomize
