im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
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