Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Randomize
