Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
she is the female version of PC from the mac and pc commercials..i'll still hit tho
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
Randomize
