I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
Think the blond can even spell "shiksa"?
I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
Randomize
