I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
Randomize
