Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
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