I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
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