I like to think it a success when the cops are called
found the other keg... it's in the tree
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
