I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
You were right. It hurts to walk today.
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
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