peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
That was before I lit my hair on fire
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
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