What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
Randomize
