Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
Randomize
