My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
