we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
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