I meant the "stage" gay, Not the "bend me over and call me Gary" gay.
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
Randomize
