I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
Randomize
