so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
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