CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
Walking in on a gay threesome, with a girl in the corner watching and taking vid is a reason to not only knock, but to never go to Savannah.
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
Randomize
