i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
whose ass print is on the piano?
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
Randomize
