no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
Randomize
