Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
We just shotgunned beers for America
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
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