After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
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