How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
Nope it's a specific set of cards not like a normal ace, queen king thing....kinda like UNO, but instead of yelling UNO you get shitfaced
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
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