Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
Randomize
