Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
These 19 Guys Hit The Cougar Jackpot
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
35 Disappointing People Who Failed At Sexting
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.