i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
found POGS while I was cleaning my room this morning. Definitely bringing them back to school to turn into a drinking game.
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
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