Texts From Last Night

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  (207): View more from Maine

  she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race

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  (207): she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race http://tfl.nu/f3bd
  Replies (17) Good night (587) Bad night (3373)
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  (810): View more from Michigan

  so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy

  (734): View more from Michigan

  what about the blowjobs for adderall?

  (810): View more from Michigan

  no those are still okay

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  (810): so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy (734): what about the blowjobs for adderall? (810): no those are still okay http://tfl.nu/913b
  Replies (12) Good night (4109) Bad night (656)
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  (508): View more from Massachusetts

  i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.

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  (508): i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude. http://tfl.nu/zgqp
  Replies (87) Good night (26168) Bad night (4648)
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  (518): View more from New York

  im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.

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  (518): im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine. http://tfl.nu/cj5c
  Replies (14) Good night (4583) Bad night (1214)
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  (856): View more from New Jersey

  I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.

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  (856): I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster. http://tfl.nu/w6xc
  Replies (4) Good night (3233) Bad night (794)
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  (612): View more from Minnesota

  I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him

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  (612): I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him http://tfl.nu/slwx
  Replies (12) Good night (4081) Bad night (1599)
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  (804): View more from Virginia

  Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?

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  (804): Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night? http://tfl.nu/x7lh
  Replies (7) Good night (5104) Bad night (1101)
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  (812): View more from Indiana

  He just called me juicy booty via text message.

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  (812): He just called me juicy booty via text message. http://tfl.nu/j99z
  Replies (6) Good night (1899) Bad night (953)
• Favorite

  (863): View more from Florida

  Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.

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  (863): Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter. http://tfl.nu/u1po
  Replies (8) Good night (988) Bad night (1347)
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  (770): View more from Georgia

  Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals

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  (770): Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals http://tfl.nu/cikb
  Replies (17) Good night (1737) Bad night (819)
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  (516): View more from New York

  The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.

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  (516): The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me. http://tfl.nu/o6eb
  Replies (6) Good night (2783) Bad night (667)
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  (206): View more from Washington

  Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.

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  (206): Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea. http://tfl.nu/pnkf
  Replies (4) Good night (1997) Bad night (486)
• Favorite

  (740): View more from Ohio

  Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.

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  (740): Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves. http://tfl.nu/uw3n
  Replies (11) Good night (1554) Bad night (944)
• Favorite

  (419): View more from Ohio

  don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties

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  (419): don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties http://tfl.nu/ivn3
  Replies (2) Good night (1391) Bad night (473)
• Favorite

  (203): View more from Connecticut

  Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?

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  (203): Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day? http://tfl.nu/ae7l
  Replies (5) Good night (569) Bad night (244)

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