I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.