Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?