I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later