So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
Randomize
