Swine flu. Run for my life!
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
These 21 Drunks Said The Darndest Things
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
These 25 Irresponsible People Blew All Their Cash On Drugs, Booze, & Sex
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS