HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
Randomize
