Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
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