I missed Saved by the Bell this morning, but Ashley in a later episode of Fresh Prince is keeping the morning wood alive.
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
Randomize
