Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
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