Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
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