We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
Randomize
