I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
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