I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
Randomize
