So drunk, too bad you don't want this
I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
Sacagawea was the original milf.
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
Just high enough for therapy.
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
Randomize
