I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
Randomize
