Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
i came on her dog
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize
