captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
Randomize
