do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
Randomize
