I think I am morally bankrupt
Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
theres gunna be a new season of 16 and pregnant on mtv...WHERE DO THEY KEEP FINDING THESE IGNORANT PREGNANT GIRLS
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
Randomize
