My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
Randomize
