You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
I am midnight drunk by noon
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
Randomize
