Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
Randomize
