I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
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