oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
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