he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
Randomize
