I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
So if you want this MFM threesome thing to happen the other guy is here and willing
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
Randomize
