My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
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