I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize
